google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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