I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm bleeding and have questions
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
