my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
