I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize