If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
