the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
