I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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