You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
high people should be assigned attendants
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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