In the future we'll all be gay
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
