Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
