My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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