I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize