My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
