I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
