If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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