I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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