I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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