The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
