I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
