brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My feet surprised me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
