we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
