Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
