she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
