I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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