the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
