First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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