There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
