So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
