I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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