Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
