Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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