We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
