Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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