what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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