I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
