Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
