Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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