why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
