Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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