Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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