is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
