BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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