We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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