I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you never un-have a 4some
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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