I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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