We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
