this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
