she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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