Define "chronic" masturbator.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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