Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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