I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
