proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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