I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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