just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
