Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
