How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
