end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize