Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We are two peas in an std pod
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
