Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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