I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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