I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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