everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
