I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
