her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
