and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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