Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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